last day living in california.

I'm ready. I don't even know what else to say. Sure I will miss my family and all my really close friends, but looking on the bright side, I'll be back out here in two and a half months for Christmas. But still - it's unlike anything I've done before. I mean, I'm not saying it's not like me to do something as drastic as this, but it's still out of left field a little. Today was my last day at work! Hell yeah. So stoked about that. Slaving there for almost two years - my day has finally come! haha. I'll miss them all; even the drama, I know. Oh well. On to bigger and better things for me. Hopefully by this time next year, me and Justin will be getting ready to get married. Oh my god, I seriously cannot wait!

PS- I have ridiculously large hands in photos. What's up with that? It bothers me. haha


tick tick tick.

3 more days in California. It hasn't really hit me just yet. I said goodbye to my brother and my grandparents and stuff tonight, and it still hasn't hit me. I had my "going away" party this weekend. Didn't really feel like a going away party though.. kinda just felt like they took it as any other party.. and all of them barely remember any of it. Kind of a bummer, perhaps I just got my hopes up. Oh well. It's sad that none of this is really hitting me. Well, maybe. I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good thing or not. But ultimately, I'm still really excited. Justin got the weekend off, and I cannot wait to spend time with him and to be done with this long distance for good! Such a relief and such a weight off my shoulders. No more video chatting, I will be seeing him every morning and every night. New city, new people, new job, new everything. I love adventures. Bring it on!


I'm going to kill someone.

Haven't had decent sleep in days. I wake up with a gnarly headache every single morning. I can't sleep in anymore. I go to sleep most of the time in tears. I'm so stressed out. I'm in a bad mood about 75% of my day. I hate this fucking construction at my house, I can't remember the last time I had peace and quiet to myself. I hate that I'm leaving California like this. I hate .. I hate that I'm hating right now.. it saddens me..


2 more weeks.

Dear California,
You've been so good to me. Although I don't appreciate the over pricing of pretty much every single thing, ridiculous gas prices, horrible bike lane laws, horrendous drivers (although I'm sure that happens anywhere you go), unnecessary drama, the fact that copying yogurtland and pinkberry is apparently some huge trend now (thanks "berry swirl" and "cherry on top" ? whatever that is), and the simple joy of always having at least one customer at work that will tip me over the edge into insanity.

And yet, I know there are things I'm going to miss though. The absolutely amazing weather (all the time), the beach (of course), having to drive probably two seconds to get to anything needed, there's always something bizarre going on by my work, and the fact that everyone here looks years beyond their real age, and back in Illinois, it's completely the opposite. It's so strange. But you have been so good, and so terrible to me. Yet I wouldn't change a thing.


Looking up!

A lot has been going through my head since I bought my one-way ticket to St. Louis. It's a big step, and I know I'm taking a risk, but I am really excited. I don't care if you think I'm crazy, but I'm crazy for this boy - and I know that he'd do the same for me. A whole new chapter will be beginning for us. I'm so excited to see what God has planned for us. I know I will be leaving the people I love the most, especially my family, but Justin will be family soon enough. I know everything happens for a reason and I'm not worried anymore. I'm starting to calm down, and realize that I need to take everything in instead of being scared of what's to come. I want to learn as much as I can by living on my own, and I want to build so many memories with him. :)


It's final!

October 2nd is my last day in California.
I did it. Just pray that I find a secure job and everything runs smoothly.

It's a little weird, I'm not gonna lie.
But, I am none the less excited to be with my baby.

Thanks a lot, complications.

Frustrated. Nothings going my way. I know, whine whine whine.. I told you I was stupid for getting my hopes up. How could I think it was going to be such a piece of cake? I wish they weren't stringing me along like this, cause I'd appreciate a straight forward answer. Even if it's no, I don't even care, they are just prolonging my happiness it seems. Should I wait and see what they say, or just move and find something else? Ahh! I'm going to blow a fuse, I swear. It's putting my stomach in huge knots. I miss him.. I just want to be with him already, I'm sick of waiting, I'm sick of video-chatting, and I'm sick of wishing I was some place else every single day. You don't know how tiring it is, and how sick you get of where you live. The pressure is continuously building upon my shoulders, it's almost becoming too much to juggle. I'm throwing my hands in the air at the moment. I know there is a reason for everything, and for some reason God keeps delaying this, and delaying it again. I'm sick and tired of it, and I'm running out of excuses to be positive. Help.


He's gone :(

I hate saying goodbye's. They're the worst, I bet everyone can agree with me. I actually heard from the job, and they want me to set up an interview... not sure I have the money to fly across the country for an interview, so I'm calling them tomorrow and figuring out ANOTHER alternative plan, that will hopefully be cheaper, haha. I'm shooting for two to three weeks until I move if my plan goes through. I had a lot of fun in Utah/Vegas with my family and Justin. I mean, there's always a time you reach when being stuck in a car and a room with your family every night gets annoying and everyone gets sick of each other... but we preserver. Right now, I feel like my life is in an in between stage. It makes me sad reading all these blogs of my friends moving and being so happy. I don't want to wait any longer, I want a new job, a new city, and to be with Justin longer than a period of 10 days. It's not fair. It really gets me down sometimes, but I guess there is a reason for everything. Timing is key, I just hope this all works out the way I'm planning it in my head. (probably shouldn't be doing that) I'm dumb. :/


One step closer!

The job called me and said the manager loved my portfolio, now the director of photography has to look at it today and hopefully call me today or tomorrow about it and let me know. Pray for me, please! I want this job so badly.